Man Marries Goat After Frisky Tryst

When a man takes a shinning to a goat in a way not deemed appropriate, most people just make a friendly call to the police and have the nice man spend some time in jail. A Sudanese man wasn't so lucky. Apparently the phrase 'he won't buy the cow if he can get the milk for free' is also one that strike fear into the heart of goat farmers. One particular farmer, Mr. Alifi, wouldn't let the honor of his dear goat be sullied. The owner apparently caught the nice man, Mr. Tombe, in a compromising position with his goat. Deciding the issue had less to do with money and more with honor, he decided to have a brief chit chat with the local elders, they decided to let Mr. Tombe pay the dowry, and since the goat was used "as his wife" he had to marry the goat and make her his wife. No word on where the happy couple is currently residing but they are registered at Barn, Farm, and Beyond. Cheers!

Clooney To Stage Fake Brangelina Wedding

George Clooney, a known Hollywood prankster, allegedly tried to play a joke on the paparazzi by wanting to hold a fake Brad and Angelina wedding at his Italian Lake Como estate after reports that the horrible named couple would be married soon. But this wasn't going to be an ordinary hoax, according to Contact Music, he wanted to use children as the superstar couple and dress them in tuxedos and a bridal gown. (Alrighty, everyone get in the car, we're going to Mr. Clooney's house...::awe, mom, do we have to?::) He then wanted to stage a fake ceremony but we guess the plan didn't pan out. Oh well, we guess he can always play dress up some other time...

Croc Eats Man's Wedding Ring, Along With Arm

Losing an arm to a crocodile is probably the most traumatic thing that can happen. (That and making a sex tape with Paris Hilton...::chills::) A South African man who lost his arm in a crocodile attack told reporters he was more upset about losing his wedding ring...that the arm was attached to. Pieter Abrahamse told reporters he was belly deep in water on a citrus plantation when the crocodile snuck up on him, apparently he was only on the look out for hippos...hungry hungry hippos. (Why oh why don't they make an education game about crocs?) He didn't lose his ring and arm without a fight. He immediately began fighting the beast by hitting it with his left arm. (Yeah, that didn't work out so well...) But he managed to get away and dragged himself to safety.

Bets Have Ended on Tom and Katie Wedding

Though many people doubt the relationship and love fest between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, some people were willing to put money down on it. The online website Intertops.com allegedly said it won't take any more wagers on whether or not Katie and Tom will actually get married. The site reportedly stopped after it received a suspicious amount of bets against Katie and Tom becoming a bride and groom from Katie's home state of Ohio.(...could a loose lipped Granny be trying to make a buck? or could it be a suspicious alien influence...) Don't worry, we're sure there is still time to chip in some money for the TomKat pool at your office. Cheers!

Win a Free Russian Bride With Vodka Purchase!

A New Zealand liquor company, 42 Below, decided that offering free t-shirts or even a car as a prize just wasn't good enough for their New Zealand ad campaign. This high class vodka producer is offering a Russian bride as first prize in a vodka promotion. Surprise! Russian women in New Zealand are highly offended by the promotion. The prize offers $8000 or a return trip to Moscow with spending money, to join a "find-a-bride" tour. (Kinda like nerdy kids who go to camp trying to find a girlfriend...) The controversial advertisement reads "Let me tell you, those Russian women are awesome, they don't care if you watch cricket on Valentine's Day, hell they don't even care if you're short and fat. It's almost too good to be true." (It works that way in the US if you have money. It's great to know in this big world, some things are universal...) According to the company "the image of the woman scrubbing a floor was tongue in cheek." Of course it is.

For the Very Special Bride...

We at Wedding Heckler are proud to bring you the bridal dresses so beautiful, so daring, so...special... that we have scoured the globe to present them to you.

This dress started out as a beautiful idea in some designers head...we think. The nearly florecent green and blue dress is fit for disco night Barbie. It has party written all over it, with a hint of class. Also, if you have a night wedding, this dress will glow so brightly, candles may not be neccesary. Cheers!

Rocks 'Sorta' On! Australian Style

Nicole Kidman looks like she may have found love after her heartbreaking divorce from the uber creepy Tom Cruise. But will she marry again? Kidman has been seeing Keith Urban, a fellow Aussie who is a country music star. (Those two words didn't seem to go together, unless Paul Hogan sang about his knife...we'd pay to hear that...) The two lovebirds have been said to have been engaged since November when the rail-thin actress started sporting a rock on her wedding finger. Well, now there are reports that the couple will marry in June and has already sent out invitations for the big day. Aussie actress Nicole Kidman and country star Keith Urban have reportedly sent out invitations for their wedding, which is rumored to take place next month. Nothing like givin' the finger to your ex by beating him to the alter. Amen Miss Kidman!! Cheers!

Wedding Stamps Cash-in on Bridezilla Obsession

The wedding industry is a multi-billion dollar a year industry. With all of the bridezillas lining up for the perfect color of lilies to complement the icing on their cake, the U.S. Postal Service is lining up a new set of stamps to make even the whiniest bride-to-be coo with delight. They are presenting the 'Our Wedding' stamp booklet. Like all things in the wedding industry, a grand unveiling will occur when a fabulous fashion model will stand in the window to unveil the equally fabulous stamps at fashion show at Kleinfeld, New York's premier Wedding & Bridal Store. (Or, it is according to the description of the store...we think our garage sales are the best in the nation!) These stamps are designed to be used on the RSVP cards as well as the larger invitation cards. These stamps are over the top with Spencerian ornamental script and they feature illustrations of a white dove and a heart. They are tastefully set on light green and lavender backgrounds. Now people will judge you if you send your invitations with regular flag stamps...you've been warned.

Do You, 7 Year Old Girl, Take This Dog...

Curses are strange things, kinda like a pack of weasles...(We should know, we've been hexed on more than a few occasions... by some weasles) Some people will do anything to remove a curse from them including marry a dog. Though we all have affectionate feelings towards our barking four-legged friends, a family in eastern India is convinced that having their seven year old daughter marry a dog would save their family from "an evil eye" curse. The little girl Shivam Munda unfortunately grew upper teeth before her lower teeth appeared; this is considered a bad omen to the members of the Santhal ethnic group that her family belongs to. Fortunately for her, her daddy said the marriage was only to remove the curse (well, that makes perfect sense then!) and she would be free to marry a man later in life. (We hear the very hairy and very sexy David Hasselhoff is available...)

No Rings For Kylie Minogue

Rumors have been swirling for the past few days that the very sexy singer Kylie Minogue (photo at right) will be getting married this spring to director Olivier Martinez. Her people deny that there will be photos of Miss Minogue as a blushing bride any time soon. The rumors apparently started when Oliver's dear dear mother, Rosemarie Martinez, told New Idea Magazine "My son has promised we will be flown over for the big day. We're just rejoicing that she and my son can now go ahead and make the plans they've wanted to make for so long." Nothing like a mom to keep things confidential. Kylie is currently in remission for cancer and she's even reportedly been spotted trying on wedding dresses. (Hey, she could have been doing that...umm....to play dress up?)

(kyli minouge, kylie manouge)

Angry Father of the Bride Threatens to 'Blow Up Couple'

It's not too often that we see a wedding in need of large scale security. (Unless you are J.Lo making your 12th appearance as a blushing bride.)But when you are 17 years old bride Andrea Martino and you dad threatens to ambush the big day, Matrix style, some police involvement might be necessary. Armed police officers surrounded the wedding and reception after the father of the bride allegedly threatened to shoot the bride and blow-up the groom, Brian Elliott. Cops with guns hid in bushes and behind gravestones during the service to ensure nothing bad went down. In addition, there was an alleged threat to blow up the ‘Just Married' limo, so it had a five-car armed police escort to the reception. (We had wedding day Barbie, but we guess our parents were just too cheap to afford the Totally Armed Forces Police Escorts...those bastards...)The feared father, Antonio Martino, said yesterday: “I have got no idea when these allegations about the wedding were meant to have been made but I didn’t make any threats like that. People are just making it up.” The dad was arrested at his home in the town on suspicion of making threats to kill. He was later freed on police bail.

The love smitten couple met at a Laundromat just a few months ago and just had to get married. No word on why the father was allegedly so furious over the nuptials but we think it may have involved the words 'chicken' and 'dance.'

$12 Million Wedding Dress Created: Bridezillas Scream With Joy

Wedding dresses are usually one of the most expensive items at a wedding, and also the most frivolously expensive. (Some people just have to up the ante and make us all feel like other dresses are just napkins held together with safety pins...) Martin Katz Jewelers and Renee Strauss, a fru fru bridal designer, have come together to create the biggest example of excess and princess complex we've ever seen. (see picture from show) They created a $12 million dollar dress. The dress is supposedly covered in real diamonds, and is known as the Diamond Wedding Gown (so unique, so expensive, yet so tacky...)

Fight Breaks Out When Bride Gropes Best Man

Though fights in the wedding process are as essential as the wedding cake or the flasks for the groomsmen, this fight is like one straight out of The O.C. Groom, David Craig attacked maid of honor Shelley Jones after she claimed the bride tried to grope her boyfriend and bestman Marty Quate. This bizarre situation happened when the two couples returned home in a taxi after a night out together.(Could our friend Al Cohol have been invloved?) The problem started when the maid of honor Tracey, accused Shelley of groping the best man as they got into the cab. When Shelley turned around to point an accusing finger at the bride, the groom decided to stand up for his lady and twisted Shelley's pinkie finger, shattering it and requiring screws and pins to repair it. (Ah, just another reason not to point fingers...)Needless to say, the maid of honor and best man were promptly replaced and the incident required police involvement. But not to worry, the David and Tracey wed four weeks later. Cheers!

How Not to Stop a Wedding....

Family bonds are strong, even in the most tension-filled circles like when your mom steals your boyfriend or your grandfather is really his evil twin brother... (Soap operas teach us so much about who we really are...)But, in this case two brothers from Queens, New York called in a bomb threat at an airport to prevent their sister from leaving town to marry the man that was not chosen for her. Aandeep Singh, 24, and Gurpreet Singh, 26, were arrested Thursday on charges they phoned MacArthur Airport in Islip on Jan. 17 and gave a bogus tip that terrorists were planning to bomb a plane. Their sister was flying to Atlanta to be with her boyfriend, ending the plans her family had for her to marry a doctor in India. (Hopefully they read the pamphlet...) Unfortunatly for the misguided brothers, no flights were cancelled and only security was upped after the bogus threat. The men are charged with a misdemeanor: filing a false police report. The sister delayed her plans to leave but married the boyfriend after all.

Step 1: Stay Away From Bikers...Tips for Picking a Groom

Divorce rates seem to be climbing in every country these days. India is mad and just and won’t take it any more! Amid claims that many NRI marriages aren't working out very well. Complaints have been coming in that the grooms are ::gasps:: cheating on and abandoning their wives once they leave the country's shores. So, what is a country to do? In an all out effort to preserve marriages the government will start counseling centers abroad and has published tips in the booklet "Marriages to Overseas Indians" for families and friends. One of the helpful tips include how to avoid being duped by a groom in several areas (because they are ever so sneaky...oh wait...we're thinking of weasels...) The main tip is to never decide in haste but to make a series of careful checks on the grooms. So, we guess they won't be promoting the Bollywood version of Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire any time soon.

Rocks On! Lisa Marie Presley Style

Rocks On!!
(For those couples ready to walk the plank)

The fourth time must be the charm for Elvis' little girl Lisa Marie Presley. After years of trying to live down the Michael Jackson wedding (Ewww!) and a failed marriage to Nicholas Cage, the sullen beauty decided to walk down the aisle in a traditional Japanese Ceremony in Kyoto, Japan.(....What?!? That doesn't make any sense at all!)The groom for trip number four was guitarist and music producer Michael Lockwood. The couple managed to keep it a secret for almost a month as the couple married on January 22nd. (See picture at right) The wedding was even more unconventional as the best man was Presley's first husband Danny Keough. We'll have more news on Lisa Marie Presley's wedding on our Monday addition.

(Pretsley, Lisa Marei Pressley)

Train Wedding of Teary Eyed Orphans a Hoax

Stories that warm our heart and make us just a little less bitter come along every so often. But one story in particular seemed to grab the collective heart of Koreans over Valentines Day. Too bad it was as real as a cubic zirconium. The invention of the camera phone has made almost anyone any idiot an instant Steven Spielberg. The impromptu wedding ceremony was captured on video phone by a fellow subway rider who then posted the heart warming story on a personal blog. (Yeah, that's what any normal person does with footage of strangers...) The unbelievable love story was instantly picked up by the media and presumed to be both unedited and completely factual. (Who needs fact checkers when someone else will do the work for free, right?) The groom explained on the video..."I grew up an orphan and we're too poor to afford a wedding hall, so we're going to have our wedding here on subway line No. 5, where we first met." He asked someone in the car to officiate, but got no takers. So he recited a short vow and put a ring on his bride's finger as she wept. (See picture on right.) But the fellow riders had a right to be skeptical of the impromptu wedding and the accompanying hard luck story. As thousands offered to donate money for a honeymoon for the couple on the bog, some people decided to investigate the hard luck story and found out it was all a hoax. (::collective gasp::) The 'wedding' was a performance piece staged by students at Hoseo University in South Chungcheong Province. Prof. Kim Dae-hyun, the drama club's advisor explained the performances was a 'pilot project' of seven members and apologized for the misunderstanding and the students made a mistake in failing to tell passengers it was just a play. Bloggers were not so accepting of the apology. One user commented "I don’t believe anything any more. The event has made me more suspicious of society.” And maybe everyone is now a little more cautious about accepting what they read on a blog.

Interchangable Grooms for One UK Bride

The wedding day is supposed to be all about the bride, but for bride Asia Ibrahim it really seems like the groom was an after thought. Her dream wedding went off as planned...except with a different groom than she started with. (Let's see...now where did I put my original fiancé...) Groom number one was an Irishman living in Canada that she hat courted on the internet. When they met up in Britain three-weeks before the scheduled nuptials, the groom-to-be dropped a bombshell. He told his bride that he couldn't have children. Well, we all have deal breakers and this was hers. But instead of nursing a broken heart by eating a tub of Ben & Jerry's and watching bad soap operas (not like we know or anything...) she got right back on the internet horse and within 24 hours had found a new groom to walk down the aisle with her on the originally scheduled day. Asia met groom number two, 36-year-old Hameed Ibrahim, in an internet chatroom. (Hey, go with what works right?) The 150 guests where shocked to find the bride was marrying a different many, not knowing number 1 had signed off weeks before. In a slightly creepy twist, groom number two wore the suite that had been especially made for the original fiancé. The bride is aware of the bizarre situation. "I know it sound strange, but we have a lot in common and its feels like I've won the Lottery." And those are exactly the odds we give for this marriage lasting. Cheers!

Super Size It! A Very Special McDonalds Wedding

A New York couple upped the ante for super classy wedding receptions. The cash strapped couple, Corey Cutcheon and Doreen Brown decided to hold the reception of their dreams at a Long Island McDonalds.(Hooters must have been booked that day...) The couple reportedly just bought a house but still wanted a reception, though low on funds. The actually wedding took place on Valentine's Day a local hall. Then, 50 of the couple’s closest friends feasted on the best fried food the fast-food chain has to offer. The cake was Ronald McDonald cake and some of those scrumptious hot fudge sundaes. (Hey, we aren't here to judge...often...) The total cost of the reception was a whopping $250. Though it isn't the first McDonalds wedding, they were preceded by a couple in Wales who had a 33 Happy Meal reception in 2002.

UPDATE: Creppy Couple Weds in Creepy Ceremony

For those of you who saw our first article on the Centipede King and Scorpion Queen and didn't think they would actually make it down the aisle for their Valentines Day wedding, you were WRONG! (Sorry, we really have a soft spot for this uber creepy couple. They remind us of our dear grandparents...The Mouse Queen and the Snake King....anyways...) The insect covered bride and groom successfully wed in their very disturbing ceremony yesterday. (See picture at right) We hope they have a long insect filled marriage...Cheers!

Rocks Still On! For Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes

Like everything that has been done so far with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, they are under scrutiny again. This time a magazine is scheduled to print a story about an impending break up. (No! Say it ain't so...I would never believe that...) Of course, their publicists insist they are "The couple is looking forward to a long and happy life together as a family." Sure they are. We'll keep you updated on the saga that is TomKat.

Underwear Dress Makes Quite A Statement

On a day when lots of happy couples are celebrating their love, we feel it is our duty to present a story that makes fun of the institution of marriage. Artist Nole Giulini created a wedding dress made entirely from used men's and women's underwear. How did she collect her dirty material? Thrift shops in Washington state proved to be a valueable place for these used resources. According to the artist this dress means many things, "This dress says, virginal white is either a fantasy or the person wearing it is too young to make the commitment. Getting married means dressing up, but being married means picking up somebody else's underwear." How very very true.

Rocks On!! Scott Stapp Arrested Style!

Your wedding day is supposed to be the most memorable day of your life, and not because you got arrested at the airport. For Scott Stapp, his wedding day memories will also include an arrest for public intoxication at Los Angeles International Airport. His wedding to beauty queen bride (and subsequent bail bondsman) Jaclyn Nesheiwat wed in Miami on Friday (see picture). The couple was headed to Hawaii for their honeymoon but they didn't make it off the continent. Stapp, better known as part of the band Creed where he was the front man who caught flack for his Jesus-like roles in many of the bands videos, (gee, how could that have come back to bite him in the ass?)deemed the rocker "antagonistic" and "boisterous." According to TMZ.com who first broke the story, Stapp demanded a blood-alcohol test at the station. Though he might not have though he was drunk, his blood alcohol content was reportedly 0.18--twice the legal limit. He was released a few hours later on $250 bail and was ordered to report for arraignment on March 8th. With a beginning like this, how could anything else could go wrong?
Update: Looks like Scott Stapp may have more problems with his new wife. A sex video, including former touring partner Kid Rock and a couple of strippers, allegedly made on a tour bus has appeared on the Internet. Read about it here.
(Scott Stap, Scot Stapp, sex tape)

House For Sale: Bride Included

Dating sites online have made a lot of money off of the loneliness of others. So what web alternatives exist for those look for love? One single woman, jewelry designer Deborah Hale (see picture) decided to take her search for a love to the next level, offer a beautiful house in Denver, Colorado...with her included. Hale set up the website www.housewithbride.com that has attracted attention since she first set it up in October 2005. This divorcee has received more than 3,000 e-mails and attracted international media attention in her quest for a roommate/lover. (Nothing like a fully furnished house to use as bait for Mr. Right. When did beer and a tube top stop being effective?) She's looking for a man between 40 and 60 who is not scum, who is spiritual with a professional career. (We think the newly single David Hasselhoff would be perfect if she's willing to accept hairy man babe as a professional career.) Her house is legitimately for listed for sale at $600,000 but she would like to kill two birds with one stone. (Yeah, kinda like dropping your kid off at day care and then letting the little rugrats cut your hair...it sounds like a good idea at the time...) The house is 95 years old and fully furnished, including a pool table. Sounds like she had all life has to offer, except of course for thousands of creeps e-mailing her with pictures of them in their best Star Wars costume. Happiness is many things to many people...

Bride Runs Away on Wedding Day With Biker Boyfriend

Sometimes real life is exactly like the movies. (Thank goodness it isn't or Pamela Anderson would be a secret agent and Denise Richards a bio chemist...) In this recent wedding scenario, it really is. In Kolkata, India a 19 year old bride eloped with her lover from her wedding reception. Her lover dropped off a letter wrapped in a gift saying he would wait for her outside the reception on a motorcycle. (There seems to be a trend with weddings and motorcycles in India...) Like most 19 year olds, she couldn't disobey her parents alone. She enlisted some friends in helping her flee her new in-laws house. Then, in true runaway bride fashion, she hopped on the bike with her knight in shining armor and disappeared.

Her new in-laws were not happy with their new daughter in-laws disappearance but not for the reason you would think "With great expectations of happiness I chose this girl but she has escaped with all the jewelry. I can never accept her back." So the bride ran away and took her mother in laws jewelry with her...nothing like burning bridges left and right. Apparently the brides family was aware of her lover but still arranged the wedding anwyays. (Good advice to follow, before spending a bunch of money on a wedding, you better be sure she'll actually stay at the wedding...)

For the Very Special Bride

We at Wedding Heckler are proud to bring you the wedding dresses so beautiful, so daring, and so...special... that we have scoured the globe to present them to you.

This dashing greenish (we couldn't decide if it's an actual color or just an evil spectrum sent to make us mad...) bowed number is reminiscent of the great dress the geeky girl in your school wore to prom. This dress has an extreme bow affliction that makes it even more bizarre and it resembles and overly wrapped Christmas present. For the bride who wants to be Cinderella but doesn't know where to start...or end.

Eatin' 50 Year Old Chicken On Your 50th Wedding Anniversary...Priceless

We always thought it was really gross when couples save the top of their wedding cake to eat on the first anniversary.(::sobs:: Nothing makes us cry like perfectly good cake wasted.) Well, a couple in Manchester, England were given a can of chicken in a hamper on their wedding day in 1956. Les and Beryl Lailey kept the can of Buxted Chicken in their kitchen cupboard until the couple's 50th wedding anniversary. Les promised to eat the chicken on their 50th wedding anniversary and eat it he did.(see picture at right) Their love story is very romantic but you don't want to hear about that do you? Now, back to that chicken...he has not reported feeling ill since eating the canned butterball and Prof Eunice Taylor, a food safety expert at the University of Salford, said: "Canned food can last indefinitely if it has been sealed properly, although the normal shelf life is about six months." We wouldn't risk this at home but hey, if you want to lug around a canned chicken for 50 years, like my grand pappy says "We ain't gonna stop ya..now get me some beer."

Advice for the Wedding Brat

In this weeks search for Advice for the Wedding Brat we have scoured the World Wide Web for advice you can use. We are proud to bring you the answer to the age old question...What do you do when your husband-to-be invites your brother-in-law and his wife to your honeymoon? (Umm...maybe the best advice is to just not marry into your cousin's family ...) These questions and more answered on this link to the London Free Press advice column.

Rocks On!! Party of Five Style

Rocks On!
(For those couples ready to walk the plank)

Cheers are in order for actress Neve Campbell otherwise known as Julia Salinger on the 90's hit TV show Party of Five. She and actor John Light (yeah...we don't know who he is either...) are engaged according to a report from People Magazine. The engagement was reportedly as sappy as two puppies in a basket. Light proposed on a romantic trip to the UK where he got down on one knee and recited Shakespeare to Campbell. Ms. Neve Campbell already has one marriage notch on her belt, a 2 1/2 year marriage to Canadian actor Jeff Colt that ended in 1997. No wedding date has been set and if we notice it, we'll keep you updated.

Priest Protests Radio Station Wedding

Every crazy radio station stunt has its critics. (Hey, even we were against making a giant butter sculpture of Margaret Thatcher...)But the instant wedding staged by a Birmingham radio station enraged a local priest. The contest 'winners' were strangers who agreed to be married after meeting each other earlier in the day. The blind wedding between Craig Cooper and his new wife Rebecca Duffy was promoted as Two Strangers and a Wedding. (The radio station has a great history with instant weddings. A marriage set up seven years ago lasted a mind boggling 12 weeks!) Mr. Roberts, the official spokesman for Coventry and Warwickshire's Anglican diocese and priest at St. Chad's in Bishops Tachbrook, turned up outside the wedding to protest. He was upset over the immorality of the wedding and was 'incensed' because the stunt was held the day before the start of national marriage week. He wanted to attend the wedding because legally weddings are public affairs and, depending on the vows, he could have had an opportunity to object. Just like on every trashy soap opera ever made. But sadly, he wasn't allowed into the ceremony.(You had to know the bride at least 5 minutes to be invited.)

Update: Motorcycle Lovin' Groom Marries Jilted Bride

We at Wedding Heckler are surprised almost every day at the things women will put up with just to get married. We reported earlier about a young man who bolted from his wedding in Calcutta mid-ceremony when the future in-laws refused to up the dowry to include a motorcycle. It's a crime to try to demand more money or items in a dowry, so Rajiv Shaw was a wanted man...that is until he turned himself in and was accompanied by his blushing bride whom he left 4 days earlier. Yes the very same women he left at the alter showed up with him at the courthouse where he asked for a pardon and then registered their marriage in the court in front of a judge. He apparently apologized for his 'grave mistake' and said he would still like to marry dear Rita. (We didn't know Hallmark made an 'Opps! I Didn't Mean to Leave You at the Alter' card...) She said she had no complaints about the groom or his family. Without a complaint there was no case and charges were dropped against the motorcycle lovin' groom. Apparently the bride has faith in her new husband. We'd hate to see what happens when she has a baby and he really wanted was some sweet mag wheels.

Rocks Off!! Heather Lockear Update

Heads have been swirling since Heather Locklear filed for divorce from husband Richie Sambora early last week. No reason had been given for why the seemingly happy couple of 11 years called it quits so abruptly. According to People magazine, things had been rocky in the Sambora-Locklear household for a while. Like any good Melrose Place story line, this one may have involved a misunderstanding and a skantily clad women. The final straw came when a very 'suggestive' e-mail from a female acquaintance accompanied by provocative pictures was sent to Richie, and discovered by Heather. According to the magazine, this woman in question was already a sore subject for Ms. Locklear. Until that point, she didn't think they were romantically linked.(Cue the suspenseful music and fade to black...nothing like a woman scorned) Sources close to the couple claim that Sambora never cheated on Heather and didn't ask for those pictures to be sent.(Hey! He's a rock star. What did she expect women to do? It's practically a law for women to throw themselves on you if you play guitar right?)

(Ritchie Sambora, Richy, Richi, Heather Lockleer)

Bride Takes 5 Finger Discount on Posh Gown

Buying a wedding gown may be the most expensive purchase of the entire wedding. Some brides have found ways to get around that by making their own, waiting for the perfect sale to mow down other potential brides for the discount goods, but an Australian bride had another idea. Melanie Heremaia picked out the perfect wedding gown valued at $4000 but she just had to have it for nothing. Yes, Ms. Heremaia is being charged with shoplifting the designer gown, sold exclusively at the Double Bay boutique. The damaging evidence supposedly came when the bride wore the 'hot' dress on her wedding day and was spotted in the dress by the store owner. (Nothin' like flaunting your stolen goods for all to see.) The bride was officially charged with larceny on Monday in an Australian court and appeared with her new hubby, British executive Tim Brown.

The police report alleges that Ms. Hermaia tried on several dresses on January 12 in a spare fitting room. She didn't buy any of them and left them in the dressing room. The next day, she allegedly returned to the boutique with an empty garment bag to try on some other dresses. When she left the owner discovered the dress in question was gone and contacted the police. The bride plans to enter a not guilty plea when the case goes on for a further hearing. But don't cry too much for the boutique owner, she isn't seeking any compensation as the dress was retrieved in good condition. (Ready to make another women's dreams come true...but now at a 'used' discount)

For The Very Special Bride

We at Wedding Heckler are proud to bring you the wedding dresses so beautiful, so daring, and so...special... that we have scoured the globe to present them to you.

This white frock caught our eye because of its light texture. So very light that we couldn't help wondering how the designer could sew together 20,000 Kleenex. Though it may look light the dress with it's hundreds of tiny layers is only flattering for those brides-to-be with the Paris Hilton body type. But, we don't want to take away from the designer’s description of the dress.

"this dress made of the stain and the flower-voile. if you have another need or requests you can touch me. i will give you the good service."

We couldn't have described it better ourselves.

Rocks On! Fatal Attraction Style

Rocks On!
(For Those Couples Ready to Walk the Plank)

Glenn Close takes a stab at marriage for the third time. Close has married a former biotech business executive David Shaw at his seaside estate. The couple wed on Friday according to the Scarborough town clerk's office. We all know Glenn Close is an acting dynamo but who is this David Shaw? Well, it doesn't look like they'll worry about money any time in the future because he is the founder and former head of Indexx Laboratories Inc., a company worth more that $600 million. (Hey, if you're going to marry 'some guy' why not make it 'some rich guy'?) Cheers!

Rocks Off! Training Wheels Come Off Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong Engagement

In a shocking turn, another celebrity breakup worthy of downing a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong have broken off their engagement. History has many things to teach us, if we only listen. Celebrities should heed previous celebrity relationship roadkill before declaring their undying love and happiness in the public sphere. (Didn't anyone learn from the trainwreck known as Bennifer?) Well, Sheryl Crow either didn't know or threw caution to the wind when appearing in Allure magazine to talk about how great her life is now with seven-time Tour De France winner Lance Armstrong ("I'm in the happiest stage of my life"). It's one thing to talk about how wonderful life is with your honeybug, but she may have jinxed her engagement to Lance Armstrong by posing in a Vera Wang wedding gown and then proclaiming, "That dress had a particularly absurd amount of meringue, so I definitely was reassured that that's not what I wanna wear." (Gasps! You never diss anything from the queen of fairy tale wedding dresses!!)(see image at left below). There aren't any clues so far as to what split up the super-buff Sheryl and Lance. Maybe it was that fact that he wanted her to move to Austin, Texas--his town, as Crow refers to it in the article. Or maybe the pressure of people always assuming--right or wrong--that she stole Sir Lance from his first wife who had nursed him through his long battle with testicular cancer and then gave birth to his children. (We're just sure the editors at Allure would have appreciated a little heads up if there was any trouble in paradise.) Sheryl Crow's spread in Allure will go down in celeb history of once ga-ga eyed brides now wishing they hadn't put it out there: Newlyweds with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck in her Jenny From the Block video, and pretty much anything involving Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. Well, we guess this means someone else will be Lance's new lady in yellow. Click on images for larger view. (sheryl crowe, cheryl crow)

White Sox Wedding Coming Soon

For White Sox fans, winning the World Series was a very special day. But if there are any fans out there who want to spend their own special day with the White Sox, you now have your chance. The defending champs have planned a group wedding at U.S. Cellular field on June 3, 2006 just before the Sox take on the Texas Rangers. The ceremony will take place at 4pm and the game is scheduled for 6:05. (Ah, just enough time for the newlyweds to scarf down some stadium dogs and a beer before the reception, ummm....we mean baseball game, begins.) Joining in on the group wedding isn't cheap though. The cost is $500 per couple but it does include two premium lower-deck tickets to the game. Time's running out for those baseball fans who may be procrastinating, couples must sign up by April 15th.(Ah, it reminds us of our Uncle Theo's wedding...except there won't be as much beer and we doubt any use of a baseball bat will result in an appearance by the police.) Cheers!

J.Lo, Wedding Savior

Imagine planning your perfect wedding for a year, only to have it disrupted by the production of a very loud and very obnoxious Jennifer Lopez movie shooting next door. (How many times has that happened...?) Bride Julian Rosales and her groom Dennis Gonzalez were getting married right next door to the filming of the movie El Cantante with Jennifer's super creepy husband Marc Anthony in Puerto Rico. Trucks and other filming equipment were blocking the entrance to the hotel where the reception was taking place. The couple wasn't too bothered by the commotion until a film staffer asked the party to stop taking pictures at their own reception! But before the brides mother could start screaming to bring production to a halt, as she said she would, J.Lo herself and Marc shut down production to accommodate the nearby wedding. The bride has no hurt feelings. She told US Magazine "Everyone apologized. I'm happy. I have a story to tell my kids." Hey, we never said Jennifer Lopez didn't like a wedding. Her problem seemed to be she likes them a little too much.

Runaway Groom Wanted Motorcycle More Than Bride

Sometimes weddings are about more than just love and a lifetime commitment between two people. For a groom in Calcutta, India, it was all about the motorcycle. Rajiv Shaw was reportedly given $65,000, furniture, and ornaments as part of Rita Kumari's dowry given by her family. But all of that wasn't enough for this groom. He wanted...a motorcycle. He walked out halfway through the marriage rituals on February 4, 2006 after being denied a 'sweet hog.' Though this has been a humiliating experience for the bride and her family, they aren't going to take it lying down. According to a local police officer, “They have been arrested on the charge of seeking dowry. We have launched a hunt for Rajiv and he should be held soon.” Rajiv brought up his latest demand midway through the ceremony. When the bride's family said they couldn't afford a motorcycle for the groom, he politely excused himself from the ceremony, leaving the bride, Rita, sitting alone with a garland in hand. (I don't know if an event like this is mentioned in the book He's Just Not That Into You, but if he won’t marry you without a motorcycle...he's just not that into you.)

Brangelina Wedding Obsession....Day 6

As we hunkered down for this long wedding obsession...I mean 'watch' we are increasingly going crazy. In one week alone there are reports of Angelina refuting the wedding rumors as well as rumors of an upcoming spring wedding in Ireland. In an effort to keep focused, we have compiled a few stories to help everyone through this confusing time.

Report #1:

According to reports from News Of the World Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will marry in a celeb-free ceremony this month in Ireland. are set to marry this month in a low key ceremony in Ireland according to new report just outside of Dublin. (They're just doing their part for the tourism industry. I'm sure pictures of Angelina and Brad will be available to purchase soon...)

Report #2:

According to US tabloid The Globe (oh yeah, this story is as believable as an Elvis sighting...) Angelina said she would never marry Brad because "We will never marry... Brad is going through a divorce and I've been divorced twice, so it's not something we're considering."
These comments were reportedly made following rumors that they couple would marry at George Clooney's Lake Como estate.

(We suggest you choose to believe whichever story makes you less frightened of the world outside at night.)

We will keep you updated with any news and we won't let our interns sleep till they make it to the chapel!

Rocks On! Jay Mohr Style

Rocks On!
(For those couples ready to walk the plank)

Another engagement for a pair of c-list celebrities! Actress Nikki Cox and comedian Jay Mohr are engaged. The couple plans to tie the knot next winter, according to their publicist. For those of you not familiar with the works of the bride or groom, Cox plays Mary Connel on the wildly forgettable NBC show "Las Vegas" while Mohr is known for...umm...well he hosted "Last Comic Standing" (but how many people watched that?) Cox was once engaged to another comedian, Bob Goldthwait (yeah...we don't know who that is...). Moore was previously hitched to model Nicole Chamberlain. (We don't know who she is either, but hey, she's a model. She couldn't have been that bad...)

Missing Wedding Guest, Last seen Doing the Chicken Dance

Though few things could make your wedding seem like a true disaster, (and we aren't talking about the $3000 in roses being 1/2 shade darker than you wanted...) and a missing wedding guest is one of them. A 32 year old man named Zbigniew Drezek was last seen on Route 1 in New Jersey when he jumped from a moving car after attending a wedding over the weekend. (who hasn't tried to do that when dragged back to New Jersey?)Local police are still searching for the missing Polish immigrant. Drezek was last seen drinking heavily at a wedding in Pennsylvania. The peppy guest apparently was having so much fun he became very upset when the designated driver dragged him out of the reception hall at 3 a.m. Police describe Dreznek as speaking with broken English and a heavy accent. He is also described as a known abuser of alcohol (otherwise known as your friendly Uncle Phil who's had one too many whisky sours).

Rocks Off For Heather Locklear

Rocks Off!
(When You Are Ready to Tell Your Spouse to Shove It)

Just when we were starting to think love might just have a shot in Hollywood, you hear of a surprise breakup. Melrose Place former star and Aaron Spelling's muse, Heather Locklear and her husband of 11 years Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora are divorcing. (Two Melrose Place divorces in a month. It doesn't look like good news for engaged Melrose Place alumna, actress Marcia Cross.) Though only a vague confirmation statement was give by her publicist, something must have gone horribly wrong. Heather Lockleer was the one to file for the divorce. This is the second divorce for Ms. Locklear, she was previously married to rocker bad boy Tommy Lee. We'll keep you updated on this growing story and light a candle for poor Richy Sambora.

$1 Million Shotgun Wedding For Teen Couple

In most places, a teenage shotgun wedding is not something to celebrate. It's not even something to mention to friends and family members. (Where we are from, it means Clyde and Darlene go down to the courthouse with lunch followed at the Sizzler.) But if you are the sixteen year old son of a Taiwanese legislator, it's the affair of the century. Groom Yen Chiayi and five months pregnant bride Su Yuhan, also 16 had a lavish ceremony. The bill for the event is estimated to be about $1 million. The bride was picked up in a Bentley that was followed by a convoy of 36 black BMW 475s. Since this is the wedding of two high school kids, their bridal party consisted of twelve of their classmates. (You know, so they could, like, totally have an awesome party!) The afternoon reception had almost 20,000 guests and was held in a stadium in the town of Shalu. Nothing like a lavish wedding to kiss your teenage years goodbye.

Alleged Grandma Killer Marries 87 Year Old Woman

Though we at Wedding Heckler are not ones to judge couples (you know, unless we don't like them. Then it's fair game) but a recently married couple in Bridgeport, Connecticut did raise our interest. An 87-year-old woman, Radmila Dobrijevickan, married 49-year-old man,Frank Czumalowski, this past week. The age difference is enough to weird out some people. But this isn't your normal couple. The groom has a questionable past with elderly women. Police say he bludgeoned his grandmother and great aunt to death 30 years ago and buried them under their beloved rose garden. He was found not guilty for reasons of insanity and stayed at a state mental facility for six years. He continued his questionable life that includes a conviction for molesting his then 12 year old step-daughter. He is currently in jail for two and a half years for violating his probation in the molestation case. The new bride has vowed to wait for her husband. (Isn't 2 1/2 years about 20 years in old people time? We can never remember the conversion on that...) She testified in front of a judge about his character. "He didn't want to kill a bug on the porch, I had to use my velvet slipper to kill the bug," she said. "He is a very unlucky person, I hope I will have a good life with him." We hope she is still of this Earth when he is released around her 90th birthday.